Yesterday Matt and I received some disappointing news. Actually, we received a lot of disappointing news. The Paris Attacks. What can I say? Lives were lost, children lost parents, parents lost children. My heart breaks for the families that lost loved ones. The fear everyone must have experienced. It’s heart wrenching. When will this madness stop?
The other news was that two separate friends had to say goodbye to their dogs. One of Matt’s friends had to put his dog down. And a friend mine had to put her weiny dog down. She had him for about 12 years. It brought back all my emotions of losing my bulldog, Emma, several years ago.
The only thing that helps is time. I wasn’t able to say her name without tears coming to my eyes for many years [or type them apparently…tears are coming to my eyes now]. I know the pain that they’re experiencing. It breaks my heart. I wish I could take the pain away. The only comforting thought is that Mr. Weiner and Emma are now playing up in Heaven right now. Emma is slobbering all over him and they’re chewing raw hides together like they always did.
The last disappointment was that we had put an offer on a house [one that we loved!] only to find out that the sellers had signed a contract 30 minutes before ours was submitted. And to top it off, the other offer was lower than ours! We had submitted a lower offer 2 weeks prior, that we’re pretty certain was not even sent to the seller. We feel betrayed. Why wasn’t our first offer submitted? Isn’t that illegal?
We had a similar situation happen a month ago with another house. We had our offer accepted, only to have another offer submitted before ours was signed. They signed the other offer without giving us a chance to revise ours. Who does that?!
How unlikely is it that this happened two times in a row? To two houses that had been listed for a few years!? I told Matt that we should offer our services to sellers who have been trying to sell their house for awhile. Apparently as soon as we decide to offer…BOOM…offers pour in like a waterfall. We could get a commission like the brokers. Put that towards our downpayment….
When it happened last month, I moped, was sad, cried several times over the next two weeks, and had a really hard time coping. I don’t handle being told “no” very well. I work hard for what I want and it’s hard for me to accept things I can’t change. My mind goes through all the scenarios of what we could have done differently. I think of every possibility of what I can do to make this work out. This has been a very frequent prayer for me over the years.
I’ve been this way ever since I was a little girl. Once I want something, I have laser focus and I work hard as hell to get what I want. After all, aren’t we’re taught that if we work hard enough we’ll be rewarded?
I’m a faithful person and I also start questioning God. Why did this happen? What don’t I know that you know? How long until I know why this didn’t work out the way I wanted it to? What door will open that I don’t even know exists right now?
This time when we lost the offer, I cried, I got angry, and I accepted it. All in one day. I let myself feel my emotions and once I felt them I was able to let them go.
I think what bothers me the most is that I’m ready for that next step in our lives. I’m ready for the bigger house with a yard and a future nursery. I’m ready for the next stage. I’m ready to be the married couple. I’m *nearly* ready to bring life into this world.
I dream of waking up on the weekends, making breakfast for the family, taking the kids to sports, watching the kids play in the backyard. Making snowmen while playing with the dog.
Having friends over while the kids play in the upstairs finished attic. [Matt’s house he grew up in had a finished attic and we both really want a house that has a finished attic or at least the potential to finish the attic] Kids rushing down the stairs to open presents on Christmas morning followed by a large friends and family Christmas dinner.
My heart feels like all of these dreams are now put on hold, shattered [yes, I’m being dramatic]. My brain knows that we’ll keep searching and eventually find a house, not on our time, but God’s time, the universe’s time.
After all, after we lost the first house I thought it was the perfect house for us. Then we found another house that was even better. There will be another house and it will be perfect for Matt, Sammy, and I and our future babies. I am reminded of this cute drawing. I need to remember that God has great things in store for us. We just have to trust him.
Losing an offer on a house on a day like yesterday, when so many people lost loved ones, really puts it in perspective. Our lives could have been changed dramatically if we had been visiting Matt’s family in Paris yesterday. What if we were watching Eagles of Death Metal [and we could have because it’s a band Matt likes] at the Bataclan?
For now, we’re focusing on saving money, reducing our student loans, and being happy in the here and now. So expect some posts from me about budgeting and how we’re doing!
How do you deal with disappointment?